I have spent this Easter doing very little. I left work on Thursday and reached home exhausted, drained from the past couple of weeks and feeling physically sick. I wanted to relax and start enjoying the 4 day break with something tasty to eat and a drink with friends but did not have the energy. Unfortunately that set the tone for the whole weekend.
I did manage to go out for a short 5k run and took several cookery books to the charity shop. I worked a bit on my latest short story. However that MUST be finished next weekend.
On the theme of stories - this film was full of amazing stories and fascinating characters The No 1 Ladies Detective Agency
No chocolate Easter eggs but plenty pasta and chips!
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
Thursday, 20 March 2008
An (almost) sigh of relief
So I had to go to the hospital to check things out yesterday. It was a surreal experience. Not all at what I would have imagined, in the process and my own personal reaction.
I arrived only slightly early to the SHOCKINGLY PINK waiting room, which soon filled with an assortment of women. Some were as nervous as kittens and some where as brassy as, well, my mum's old fireside adornments. I hate pink and I particularly hate fluffy pink.
I didn't have to wait that long, or maybe the number of people turning up and arranging themselves and their bags on the plastic seats in the waiting room diverted my attention for a while. I had given up on polite people watching and started reading the Ken McClure thriller I had picked up at the library at the weekend when I was called through to be seen. After having my breasts poked and squeezed and x-rayed I was allowed to sit down and wait again. I went back to reading my book. A few, distracted, pages in and a number of the women had been told they could leave. I kept reading. After a while I was beginning to wonder why the radiographer had not released me to the pastel-hued main corridor of the hospital as well. Another couple of women were permitted to go and I was called back for more boob-torture. This time they marked my breasts with a pen as they attempted to focus in on the offending area. Apparently 'lumpy' breasts do not provide clear mammograms!!!
I was asked to wait again but it wasn't long before I was called for an ultrasound. Cold squirty gel on my chest was quite pleasant actually. Em ....anyway the ultrasound kept them happy, despite the lumps, and the specialist declared she was certain I had some type of fibroid cyst and nothing to worry about. Only after all this was I then allowed to leave, well, at least until I was to see the consultant later in the afternoon.
Kicking my heels for a couple of hours I walked back home and mused over the morning's events. I got the impression that no one understood my medical condition but maybe that was just because I'm so used to seeing experts in that area when I do go to a hospital clinic. I judged the professionals assessing me would know their area well too. My body and spirit felt a bit battered and bruised and in need of a little tlc but I had to go back to the hospital in the afternoon to discuss the results with the consultant.
I was amazed at the number of staff who simply appeared to be standing around the clinic reception area. They chatted, they looked at pieces of paper, they discussed rotas. I was asked my name and directed to a waiting area. I didn't feel like reading this time so I sat and watched while staff walked by. Nurses in blue tops, nurses in maroon tops and staff clearly on a mission to fufill their own self-importance. I recognised a few women from the morning. 'Fur coat' with her spindly legs, 80 if she was a day! 'Blue Cap' who could have just walked off the set of EastEnders. The middle-aged couple who fussed around each others coats for 30 minutes. He was the only man waiting.
After speaking to a sweet but inexperienced girl who attempted to complete a form of my details I went back to the waiting area. I was called to a small room and requested to undress for the third time that day. Then with a flourish the consultanct came in, examined me, confirmed everyone believed the lump to be innocent. He considered this for a moment and perhaps, regarding my confused expression, decided reassurance was required. He took a needle sample which I hardly felt at all and we'll all be convinced there's no need for concern in a month's time.
The NHS is a strange beast. I suspect it is extremely generous and caring in many circumstances. Enfolding patients in clean sheets, kindness and timely, efficacious treatment. However I also imagine there are a number of failures. Truthfully, based on my recent experiences, I have not yet made up my mind.
I arrived only slightly early to the SHOCKINGLY PINK waiting room, which soon filled with an assortment of women. Some were as nervous as kittens and some where as brassy as, well, my mum's old fireside adornments. I hate pink and I particularly hate fluffy pink.
I didn't have to wait that long, or maybe the number of people turning up and arranging themselves and their bags on the plastic seats in the waiting room diverted my attention for a while. I had given up on polite people watching and started reading the Ken McClure thriller I had picked up at the library at the weekend when I was called through to be seen. After having my breasts poked and squeezed and x-rayed I was allowed to sit down and wait again. I went back to reading my book. A few, distracted, pages in and a number of the women had been told they could leave. I kept reading. After a while I was beginning to wonder why the radiographer had not released me to the pastel-hued main corridor of the hospital as well. Another couple of women were permitted to go and I was called back for more boob-torture. This time they marked my breasts with a pen as they attempted to focus in on the offending area. Apparently 'lumpy' breasts do not provide clear mammograms!!!
I was asked to wait again but it wasn't long before I was called for an ultrasound. Cold squirty gel on my chest was quite pleasant actually. Em ....a
Kicking my heels for a couple of hours I walked back home and mused over the morning's events. I got the impression that no one understood my medical condition but maybe that was just because I'm so used to seeing experts in that area when I do go to a hospital clinic. I judged the professionals assessing me would know their area well too. My body and spirit felt a bit battered and bruised and in need of a little tlc but I had to go back to the hospital in the afternoon to discuss the results with the consultant.
I was amazed at the number of staff who simply appeared to be standing around the clinic reception area. They chatted, they looked at pieces of paper, they discussed rotas. I was asked my name and directed to a waiting area. I didn't feel like reading this time so I sat and watched while staff walked by. Nurses in blue tops, nurses in maroon tops and staff clearly on a mission to fufill their own self-importance. I recognised a few women from the morning. 'Fur coat' with her spindly legs, 80 if she was a day! 'Blue Cap' who could have just walked off the set of EastEnders. The middle-aged couple who fussed around each others coats for 30 minutes. He was the only man waiting.
After speaking to a sweet but inexperienced girl who attempted to complete a form of my details I went back to the waiting area. I was called to a small room and requested to undress for the third time that day. Then with a flourish the consultanct came in, examined me, confirmed everyone believed the lump to be innocent. He considered this for a moment and perhaps, regarding my confused expression, decided reassurance was required. He took a needle sample which I hardly felt at all and we'll all be convinced there's no need for concern in a month's time.
The NHS is a strange beast. I suspect it is extremely generous and caring in many circumstances. Enfolding patients in clean sheets, kindness and timely, efficacious treatment. However I also imagine there are a number of failures. Truthfully, based on my recent experiences, I have not yet made up my mind.
Wednesday, 12 March 2008
Communication
Making sure I keep in touch with friends through whatever way works! Writing emails and setting friends on Facebook.
I have signed up with the fabulous personal assistant service called 'I want Sandy'. It looks fun and may even help :-)
Chloe x
I have signed up with the fabulous personal assistant service called 'I want Sandy'. It looks fun and may even help :-)
Chloe x
Monday, 10 March 2008
2008
Hi
I wanted to start a fresh blog to see if I could maintain the momentum I built up before. Also to start a new site for 2008.
I had started the year with some clear objectives. I said that I would do the following -
1. complete an original short story I am really really pleased with.
2. Continue with my running and take part in Run London later in the year
3. Keep in touch with the friends that I don't see very often
4. Sell my flat and move to a larger place
5. Go on holiday
Ok, so I have started well-ish. I have started on a couple of stories but have not felt any are original enough as yet. I have continued going to the writing workshops I had been going to last year so that's has definitely kept me motivated - so far!! If there is any writing I feel I happy to upload here I will.
I have been running regularly. I manage to go to the gym once during the week and go for a decent run (10K) at weekends. I know I am slower than I was last year right now but will work on speed over the summer.
I have been keeping in contact with friends but that's something I need to work more on. These are people I do not want to lose touch with and their friendships are important to me.
I have made a tentative beginning clearing unwanted junk from my flat and have followed up to ensure some external work to the front of the building will happen soon.
I am planning to go on holiday to France in August - a plan that will require very little organisation from me - so on the surface it appears this year has started with a plethora of activity and postive actions.
Then the other week something decided to push me off-course . It's exceedingly difficult to type the words. I want to splurge them on the page so that they are out there and I'll have let someone know but am delaying the actual black and white decalration. I found a lump in my right breast. Done! Part of me knows it'll all turn out ok and I'm not scared of the process or the future. There is, however, another (tiny) part of me that is worried sick at the implications. I have to wait until next week for an appointment at the hospital. Until then I will do my best to put it to the back of mind and I intend not to let my imagination run amok.
Chloe x
I wanted to start a fresh blog to see if I could maintain the momentum I built up before. Also to start a new site for 2008.
I had started the year with some clear objectives. I said that I would do the following -
1. complete an original short story I am really really pleased with.
2. Continue with my running and take part in Run London later in the year
3. Keep in touch with the friends that I don't see very often
4. Sell my flat and move to a larger place
5. Go on holiday
Ok, so I have started well-ish. I have started on a couple of stories but have not felt any are original enough as yet. I have continued going to the writing workshops I had been going to last year so that's has definitely kept me motivated - so far!! If there is any writing I feel I happy to upload here I will.
I have been running regularly. I manage to go to the gym once during the week and go for a decent run (10K) at weekends. I know I am slower than I was last year right now but will work on speed over the summer.
I have been keeping in contact with friends but that's something I need to work more on. These are people I do not want to lose touch with and their friendships are important to me.
I have made a tentative beginning clearing unwanted junk from my flat and have followed up to ensure some external work to the front of the building will happen soon.
I am planning to go on holiday to France in August - a plan that will require very little organisation from me - so on the surface it appears this year has started with a plethora of activity and postive actions.
Then the other week something decided to push me off-course . It's exceedingly difficult to type the words. I want to splurge them on the page so that they are out there and I'll have let someone know but am delaying the actual black and white decalration. I found a lump in my right breast. Done! Part of me knows it'll all turn out ok and I'm not scared of the process or the future. There is, however, another (tiny) part of me that is worried sick at the implications. I have to wait until next week for an appointment at the hospital. Until then I will do my best to put it to the back of mind and I intend not to let my imagination run amok.
Chloe x
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